The Gardens of Ailana” will be controversial and many will hate it.
But in reading it some have already come to new terms with their lives and a God they see as either non-existent or cruel.
In this story, adults crippled by memories from childhood; two them suffered at the hands of evil and twisted men from southern fundamentalist churches; have to come clear with every ugliness within them before they can find any meaning and purpose for their lives. In the process they learn that if there is a Heaven at all, it would not be what their churches had told them to believe, and that forgiveness may not always be the healthiest option.
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Tag Archives: literary fiction
Book reading for mystics
http://www.citylightsnc.com/event/edward-fahey-returns-new-novel
Edward Fahey Returns with a New Novel
Sapphire author, Edward Fahey will present his third novel on Friday, May 22nd at 6:30 p.m. The Gardens of Ailana explores the metaphysical, the idea that there are places on this planet not confined to the logic of men or limitations of science. In this modern-day fictional tale, four people with very different backgrounds, each scarred by a horrific childhood, meet at a place of healing where one’s most crippling darkness must be faced down. In the rubble of their lives and broken spirits they learn that in their weaknesses lie their most profound strengths. In their festering wounds they find hope. In The Gardens of Ailana we see through the souls of mystics, experience laying-on-of-hands from the healer’s point of view. Feel at home among wonders and magic. Fahey says of The Gardens of Ailana, “This is the book others have been laying the groundwork for and building towards.” Novelist and teacher, Fahey spent his life hunting magic, seeking out the other sides of reality. His previous novels are Mourning After and Entertaining Naked People. To reserve any of his books please call City Lights Bookstore at 828-586-9499.
Event date:
Friday, May 22, 2015 – 6:30pm
Event address:
3 E Jackson St.
Sylva, NC 28779
author appearance
grownups
Private memories
He lifted his chin into an intimate smile he kept for himself and his memories. “Ah, but spook bread is the very best kind.” He turned and walked on.
I lingered a bit, then followed.
Nature burbled and rustled all around us. My friend kicked rocks along his own inner streams as he wandered the world of his very private smile, shaking his head sometimes and chuckling. He wore an old woven blanket someone had made into a vest. As he stepped with great care among shadows, trying not to disturb, not to snap a branch or rouse a settled creature, he petted that vest and found that someone.
Mushrooms poked through everywhere, breaking down matter that had outlived its time, seeding spores of brightness through the lost and decaying. They drew in around us and reached off in all directions. Gaudy, gay or dull; dappled or solid, they gathered together and scattered; exquisite vistas of life growing from death, and death nurturing life. Lichen clawed out from vibrant trees and rotting stumps.
“Ahhh … Bread. Fresh-baking. How wonderful.” Waters stepped over a fallen trunk of slick green velvet, his walking stick poking a thorny vine up out of his face. “We made some marvelous breads together, Sanchee and I, according to the old ways. Bread you could cut your teeth on. Now there was bread! My wife worked wonders at our old stone hearth.”
“I’m so jealous,” I told him, making no move to catch up as he stood, studying his own chapter of Nature. “All that love, the sharing. The little home chores…”
Bonding together through the intimate drudgery of life, having problems and working them out, irritations that become seeds of growth and new understanding. But then I guess that great feast of long-lasting union would have been lost on someone like me. I wouldn’t even have paused at the table. “Just passing through,” I’d say, “Sorry; can’t stay.”
But here was a man who had dug into love. He’d labored in the field with it, shared sickness and health, spoken and lived it. Now he had joys to look back on while I could only sit on a rock and take notes. I wanted so badly to ask him more, search out details, share my friend’s greatest triumphs, joys, and deepest sorrows, all the little stuff, too; but I’m not one to pry. And Waters was a very guarded soul.
I couldn’t respect the man without honoring that.
– From “The Mourning After”
We are all lost spirits.
“It was a dense, moldering night, smelling of damp old basements and times best left unstirred. All those long dark hours, grief-strewn winds wailed through the trees. Calling like tender misplaced memories. Moaning, “Vrrommm … Mrroammm …” Not just lamenting, but beckoning. I took it in as someone crying out for me to “Comme … hommme…”
But I had no home. Homes were filled with loss and I’d had enough of that. I’d squandered my childhood locked up inside, catching glimpses of life and the world only through windows and books, as my parents had waited for my heart to finish me off. Then death had taken them first. I’d spent my few adult years running away from any threat of settling down, refusing to take in any more grief, but felt it following as I’d fled.
I’d gone out into the world, intricately lacing distractions and busywork around the long-gnawing emptiness, only to find I’d merely embellished rather than hidden it. I’d buried death under deep mounds of chitchat, but still heard it rustling in there.
This troubled old cabin with its veiled history had called to me from so far away. But even here I was infested with the roving misery of spirits who could never touch their loved ones again.
Especially here. I couldn’t heal their wounds, couldn’t even pat them reassuringly; but I would not be just one more who’d turned away.
It all felt so hauntingly personal. We were all lost spirits, neighbors in need, afraid to knock, lingering just along the fuzzy edges of each other’s most intimate buried memories.
On through those long hours, my heart shredded by the winds, I stayed up; unpacking, writing by moody, tossing candlelight, or stalling out to listen in on the sorrow. Letting it soak through me, draw me into its churning, writhing bosom.
Darkness crept through. Shadows pried at doors, teased dull edges of recollections that never quite took hold. Memories that would have shriveled under the blinding sun of daylight. And reason.” – Excerpt from “The Mourning After”.
Absorbing fiction we grow from as we read.
I have known my work is “Literary Fiction” in that every word counts, and the characters are rich, multi-layered, complex. It is “Magic Realism” in that it reads as though this is just an everyday story while making laying-on-of-hands, reincarnation and such clearly part of that reality, and relevant to our strained and challenging modern lives. But now with the sub-genre “Visionary Fiction” I get the rest of it. Ancient principles and teachings shared without preaching. Powerful emphasis on the limitless potential each has for growth and transformation. These are the bases for every one of my novels. It is all there now. Thank you so much for this new discovery, Ellis Nelson.
Reaching the hopeless through our own doubt.
My love/guide told me today that if I hadn’t had all those years of suffering and crippling doubt I couldn’t have written the books that I do, and could’t have reached the people I reach. I write books of hope for the hopeless; stories of deep meaning for the lost and out of touch. I couldn’t have come to them in compassion and empathy if I hadn’t myself felt disconnected, and like God and all meaning had turned from me.
Forgiving ourselves
“The Gardens of Ailana”
A pilgrimage toward redemption, and forgiveness.
You can recover your innocence.
Excerpts:
“Guess we all have our moments when we don’t look at reality quite head on. See things through our ‘I’m no good and I can’t do this’ state of mind. We might read it as ‘She hates me,’ or ‘This’ll never work,’ but what we’re really doin’ is givin’ up on ourselves.” …
… “So you’re sayin’ we just make peace with everyone who’s ever screwed us.”
Paulette reached into her own past to tell her, “We make peace with ourselves. They just come along for the ride.”
Link
Will be here Sunday, May 11th, at 2 pm. Reading bits from “The Mourning After,” and sharing anecdotes. Also want to share some of the new book, “The Gardens of Ailana,” now in progress,
“The Mourning After” – Thank you.
Now that “The Mourning After” has entered that stage where folks buy it from stores and the internet, and I rarely know any of these new readers; I really want to pause once again in fondness for those who have loved her. I especially want to thank, deeply and sincerely, those of you who have loved her enough to tell friends and family.
Thank you.
Dark night of the mystic soul
Aside
As she wandered back to her cabin, searching for any fond memories she might have buried from her childhood, light faded everywhere around her.
How about the coloring? Children enjoy coloring, how about that? She’d spent so many hours and days on her art. It was as close as she could remember to having her Mamma stand over her with anything even remotely resembling approval. Her books and comics could be tales of Jesus, but coloring books had to be Old Testament because “No child’s impure hand could touch a crayon to the sweet beautiful face of our lord and savior Jesus Christ.”
So the little girl had scrunched down over Daniel in the lion’s den. Samson, screaming, being blinded with daggers and torches. The redder she made the flowing wounds of a man of God shot full of arrows, or stoned to death, the richer the flames of three men being burned in a box, the longer mamma let her stay out of that closet.
But the men still came. Mamma had no say over that. The Cleansers from the church had to step in as her father, since women were weak and needed men to set them straight. Mamma had done the unmentionable, and that sin must be cleansed from the girl child.
Paulette had fought so hard not to hum while she colored, since music was sinful. Now she fought to lock that vision back into its box. It was as close as she came to a happy childhood memory, but even this one gnawed away at her insides.
As that long night of deepening terrors took hold, her room grew colder. The trees outside began to quiver, then wail. The winds rose up, gathering the darkness in around them.
She heard rivers running everywhere, whitewater roaring far off.
But it was only those ominous winds, scraping and clawing through long-dried leaves that should have been left to lie still, and die quietly.
– From today’s chapter of “The Gardens of Ailana”
By all that is holy you are damned.
“In the sullied name of Jesus I command you! Through all that is holy you are damned.”
– This opens my new book in the midst of a disturbing and dramatic scene that sets our protagonists off on a desperate quest. One that must tear their worlds apart, destroy their families, challenge everything they have ever believed or held dearly, before they can ever find peace, or redemption.
– Do any of you find this at least a bit intriguing?
Link
“The MourningAfter” is sparking off romance.
This came out in a magazine recently and speaks of how what we write might touch the lives, souls, and hearts of those far away. Even folks we will never meet, in places we’ve never been.
Quoting myself.
I tend to stick quotes in my books. Often just quoting myself. Thought I’d get away without doing that this time. But then this morning they started bubbling up out of the ethers, or wherever such ideas come from.
Oh, well; here we go again:
Whatever lies behind, stays behind.
Whatever lies ahead, so be it.
This moment now is forever.
I embrace it with all of my being.
You have become what you are through countless lives and lessons.
There is something you can offer others
if only working on your self-discipline, fighting your own baser urges.
Do that, then.
Do what is offered. Learn and grow as you can.
That in itself is service.
I don’t like calling it “God”.
That leaves you hassling over He, She, or It; and who’s it most look like?
“Powers-that-be” works for me.
But I really like calling it that vast “So much more!”
I guess I still believe in coincidence.
But only for everyday folks.
Once you step fully into your Quest for Spirit, though,
commit to it with all of your being,
your whole life becomes a mesh of synchronized miracles.
You can’t call that coincidence anymore.
Love battling death.
My niece just asked me to sum up “The Mourning After” in a sentence or two. How’s this?: It’s a moving and mystical tale about a connection so deep, a romance so strong, the lovers have to battle the forces of tragedy and death to stay together.
Shards from childhood.
As my heart clogged up with old pressures, I walked away from photo albums, but just could not shut them. I held treasures she’d worn or left behind, but couldn’t hold her.
We’d only been kids, but I miss her to this day. It lurks in shadowy closets and follows me up unfamiliar steps at night. I breathe it through my troubled heart, and it snags there. It tags along through strange towns, from state to state, driving me, digging at me, leaving me hollow. I hadn’t seen my confinement until M had come along. She’d been my first taste of living.
M had been a long-burning fuse, and the spark that had touched it off. She’d been the birth of imagination, and of everything real. With us it had all been about mystery, and miracles.
I stood in the threshold, peering deep into all that was churning, trying to imagine her as an adult, sitting in the golden haze of a late afternoon in the fall. I pictured a soft distant rustling, birds singing out of season, and a languid blue haze drifting high up in the land where clouds, and heaven, are made. I sat her on a tree stump by one of the lakes, huddled up against the brisk fall glory. Trying to imagine her bright and happy, finally at peace, I prayed to God to grant her all of this. Wherever she was. That sweet, beautiful, tormented soul had earned peace and beauty.
Instead, I saw her rocking into her own, or some shared misery, her arms wrapped around her, and I knew how distant I had grown from my core. M would manage to stay whole and intact in her brokenness, never back away from her truth. I’d rushed to bury mine at the first opportunity, close off to my walled-in childhood, turn away, slam it into some subterranean vault somewhere way far behind me.
M wouldn’t have done that to me. She’d still cherish each lost and happy shard we’d ever huddled over, treasured and polished together. Whatever it had been she’d so privately nurtured had meant far too much to abandon for a little peace of mind. She’d held it too dear. M had been closer to her roots. To the role we’d been meant to play together, though I could never find my script.
But then I had chosen to bail out.
As if I could.
As if the winds, and this mournful autumn bleakness would ever let me.
That poor sweet child had confided in me. She’d said, “People are always leaving me.” She’d sounded so buried in remorse, so convinced that it could never be any other way.
Then, I, too, had turned from her.
It had been so much easier than believing.
But now how would M fit in here? Into this sobbing forest; or this flirting, taunting homestead? Was this a place to end something, heal something, or begin something new?
She had asked me once if I’d planned to stay shut up inside, and I’d thought she’d only meant inside the house. Had she seen I was also boarded up in my spirit? Well, in this boundless, otherworldly forest I can finally see what M had always tried to show me.
Through that which has no barriers, any sized miracle can step in.
Aside
I have to describe “The Mourning After” in 300 words or less, emphasizing protagonist, setting, and theme. This is 273. What do you think? Any suggestions?:
Nightmares of war and death from lost centuries torment a young boy. He can’t separate fantasy from reality. Denis meets a child he calls M. She knows his dreams intimately. Telling him they’re more than imagination, she asks, “Do you … remember?”
They tear at him with devastating force and detail. Driven by a need for answers, the adult Denis searches America, finding only more questions.
Amid the storms and whispers of a haunted forest with intentions of its own, he finds a decrepit cabin, where his terrors start coming real. Beside its old barn someone has been tending the grave of at least one of his “imaginary” childhood playmates, Enoch.
Nothing makes sense if he can’t let himself believe that he and M lived there long ago. That they’ve loved each other for lifetimes, with increasing desperation, as he keeps dying young, leaving her grieving into lonely old age.
Enoch, always in the background, somehow holds the key to ending this cycle of suffering.
Denis searches for M, as she fights her own haunting mysteries back to him.
He meets a quiet, mysterious man in the forest.
In a world where death is just another beginning, they must trust in what they cannot believe.
M arrives too late. She finds Denis’s journal, his grave, and this deeply hurting stranger. To smash this ancient chain of tragedy, she must follow Denis into death.
From the other side, he has to find a way to stop her.
Then she falls in love with the stranger.
That which can’t possibly be true weaves through wonders that can’t be denied, until love makes everything real.
Book Reading.
Doing a book reading at City Lights Bookstore in Sylva, NC, USA, on March 7th at 6:30 pm. Y’all come by now, hear?
Take a peek.
He kept grinding away at the coals with a stick. A couple of hot ashes settled onto his clothes but he didn’t brush them off. They left little burn marks on his pants. “Kinda felt like that,” he said. “Like someone had grabbed me. Or someone was watching. – Or like it was me being buried, not him.”
“It was weird, Man. Your face got all grimacey; it was like everything inside you was backing away, but your body got stuck.
“There really is something about that place, isn’t there? We have got to go back out there. Figure out what’s real from what’s Memorex.”
“That’s a TV commercial, right?”
“There you go getting snotty again. You are in one pisser of a mood tonight, Injun Joe. Maybe I should just leave you out here to cry into your water cup. You gonna tell me what’s eatin’ you?”
He took a few false starts, but finally got going. “It makes no sense. Just some grave in the middle of nowhere, from a long time ago. Not even a whole name on it. Nobody I knew. Why should that bother me? It makes no sense.”
I slapped my leg right in the middle of what he was saying, interrupting him again. “Hey! I know how you knew the name of his horse. You’re getting the dreams now, aren’t ya? They’re coming to you now.”
“Yeah.”
“So what’re you seeing in them? What are they showing you?”
“Someone dying; someone I loved. Someone else in such pain for such an awful long time it ate away at her. All I could do was just stand there and watch; couldn’t do nothin’ about it.”
“Couldn’t do nothin’?”
“Yeah, that’s the important part of all this; make fun of my grammar. Thank you for your deep, caring, sensitive soul. You can leave any time.”
“No, no, wait. Listen. That might be a key. When the dreams sink in hard, it’s like they take me over; I start talkin’ in this hillbilly dialect. It’s how I know I’m getting close.
“I mean, maybe you just got your words tangled, y’know, and that’s all they was to it. That just happens; we all slip now ’n’ agin; but what if there’s more to it than that? Maybe you’re bein’ pulled into this mess now, too. Maybe like you said, whatever this is, it needs both of us.”
“Oh, God.” He had been distractedly swirling his drink around in his cup, but on this, he froze solid, squeezing his knuckles white. “I don’t want to see no more. It hurts s’bad.”
“We’re goin’ back in agin, ain’t we?” I asked.
“Don’t got no choice.”
Breezes moaned all that night. I sifted through dreams on haunting shadows of longing, but Waters was somewhere else entirely.
He kept building up the fire, but still sat there shivering.
– What I got when I went into my Amazon site for “The Mourning After,” and punched “Surprise me” for an excerpt.
“The Gardens of Ailana”
Aside
Sylva was holding her hand up in awe. A child of four, she was hardly even talking yet, but there was a good possibility this was intentional. Garden creatures understood her well enough.
She was watching a fat, fuzzy bee with golden stripes saunter across her upturned hand, trailing pollen along her palm, to the delight of her tiny companion, Renn.
Renn, all of six years of age, was Syl’s older brother, though it didn’t always feel that way. He trailed her through adventures into bright, spirited loveliness and sheer joy, asking questions, and hearing answers that often neither of them actually said aloud. In the world they inhabited, most beings didn’t speak. In that world, it wasn’t really necessary.
“Does he tickle, Syl?” he asked, though, because sometimes feelings have to be expressed.
He probably could have coaxed a bee of his own onto his own hand, but he loved watching his little sister’s eyes, sharing her delight.
“Petelmeyer,” she told him, answering the next question he was getting ready to ask. “We have decided to name this bee, Petelmeyer,” and it sounded like she was getting ready to knight it.
The tiny thing couldn’t kneel, since its legs hadn’t been assembled that way, but Petelmeyer he became then, and Petelmeyer he stayed.
As though she had commanded him to rise and assume his new duties in the Kingdom of Nature, he lifted up into soft garden breezes, touched her fingertip, and bowed away.
His realm called to him. He had duties to attend to in a nearby patch of strawberries.
The children giggled.
For some people, gardens come alive with the sunrise, with that first kiss of color, and warmth.
For others, they’re at their best in the darkness, when true magic is everywhere.
For these two, Ailana’s Gardens were always miraculous; they carried the magic around with them.
Sylvie was a wind-tossed child with scrambled hair. She would never wear a hat because there was no way she could keep it on, and just couldn’t be bothered. She had similar problems with shoes that tied, so she went everywhere barefoot or in boots. One couldn’t imagine her without a smudge on her face. Ailana called her Flitter.
She was a child born with wide open eyes who didn’t need to be told what she saw. Sometimes she played Peekaboo in the middle of a field, when there didn’t appear to be anyone with her, but no one really questioned her on it; few even chalked it off to imagination; they knew she saw deeper than they could.
Some thought she was late starting to speak because she was a slow learner, but those who knew her well suspected she’d been born with very little left to learn.
Visitors to the garden heard rumors that she wasn’t a normal human child at all. That she may have been more of a nature spirit, taking on human form for only this one lifetime.
What others thought and said about her, though, didn’t stir any interest at all. She didn’t think about people much. They were mere passing curiosities; just as they were to most fairies, tree spirits, and forest sylphs.
Her hippy parents may have sensed some of this from the beginning. This may have been why they’d named her Sylva.
As Petelmeyer plied the short green fields of berries, Sylva shared the gift of the pollen he’d left behind with her brother. Delicately pressing the fingertip the bee had kissed into a spot of golden powder on her palm, she touched that to the center of Renn’s forehead, just above his eyebrows.
She repeated that ceremony on her own.
Neither spoke.
One tree very near them whispered a quiet, contented croak. Sylv croaked back.
Sunbeams glistened off the wings of a dragonfly in subdued hints of purple, then green, or maybe red. Renn wondered just how many colors there were.
“God sings through the flowers, you know,” Sylva said, “Only you don’t hear him with any part of your head.”
Renn sort of knew what she was saying.
When Ailana came by later, she found the little girl standing over a dead rabbit. Her brother had wandered away. A child down the street had just died. He didn’t know how to process that, and didn’t think he really wanted to, so he just left her alone with the still form of the bunny.
Ailana said nothing. She just stood there with Sylvie, offering blessings of her own.
It was a while before Sylva spoke. She quite often didn’t, but when she did have something to say, it was worth fully listening to.
Now she told Ailana, “It is sad some things die, but it isn’t. The part we see with our outside eyes just stops moving is all. But the shiny part can play better then, because it doesn’t have to stay close to the ground anymore.”
Ailana smiled, and said nothing.
Sylvie much preferred people stay silent when there was so obviously nothing more to say.
– A character I’m creating within my new novel, “The Gardens of Ailana.”
Living stories that breathe beyond the book covers.
I am dearly touched by all who have read “The Mourning After” several times. When you so passionately share with me how much more you get out of it each time, how it draws you in deeper, comes more alive, I see that it is more than just a gathering of words. It has a heart. It breathes. It calls to us from inside, drawing us in through our dreaming.