The afterlife is not what you’ve been led to believe.
Neither is life.
Find the deeper Truth and heal.
– “The Gardens of Ailana” handbook for healers & mystics
Tag Archives: fiction
Absorbing fiction we grow from as we read.
I have known my work is “Literary Fiction” in that every word counts, and the characters are rich, multi-layered, complex. It is “Magic Realism” in that it reads as though this is just an everyday story while making laying-on-of-hands, reincarnation and such clearly part of that reality, and relevant to our strained and challenging modern lives. But now with the sub-genre “Visionary Fiction” I get the rest of it. Ancient principles and teachings shared without preaching. Powerful emphasis on the limitless potential each has for growth and transformation. These are the bases for every one of my novels. It is all there now. Thank you so much for this new discovery, Ellis Nelson.
Reaching the hopeless through our own doubt.
My love/guide told me today that if I hadn’t had all those years of suffering and crippling doubt I couldn’t have written the books that I do, and could’t have reached the people I reach. I write books of hope for the hopeless; stories of deep meaning for the lost and out of touch. I couldn’t have come to them in compassion and empathy if I hadn’t myself felt disconnected, and like God and all meaning had turned from me.
Heart pain can lead us Higher
When my arms grew long and strong enough I started pulling myself up onto the roof to lie back under the stars, praying for their vast peace to drain off some of this hurt. I ached for something higher, richer, undeniable, and there were moments when I was teased with just a glimpse. I could lose my heart in a picture of Jesus or Mary, in a rainy autumn sunset, or a field of stars, and it was like I’d gone home. Everything dissolved into pure, aching sweetness. How vast love can be when we don’t hack off a chunk and hoard it, call it ours, or chain it to someone; when it isn’t love for some thing or someone, just love.
I was only allowed brief visits to this world beyond worlds, though, and couldn’t bring the bliss back with me. Trying to hold on to that soul piercing, excruciating sweetness was like tearing my heart apart; but maybe that was exactly the point. Broken hearts show us we’ve grown out of one stage, by ripping us wide open for the next.
We’re forced to choose what we do with all that pain: turn it against ourselves, aim it at someone else, or tap all that power and reach higher.
– From “Entertaining Naked People”
Hidden spots of Mysticism and magic.
There are places on this planet not confined to the logic of men or limitations of science. Something inside a few special people draws them to these centers when they are ready.
Early man may have erected strange mounds, or circles of giant stones there. Early religions may have inspired great cathedrals or temples there. Legends may have spread about miracles and healing wonders, and for centuries pilgrims may flock in from all lands.
Or they may just have been left alone, unknown but to the few; tended by very special beings.
In our story, four deeply caring souls have been broken by their childhoods. As adults now they secretly yearn for forgiveness; their own, or to find the clarity of heart to forgive those who have hurt them so badly. They yearn, but don’t pray. If life has taught them anything it’s that no loving, caring God could have let tiny vulnerable children be treated so cruelly.
But what if all things really do have a reason?
What if everything does serve some purpose?
And what if there are places and people one is drawn to when she has finally found the courage, or the depths of desperation, to face herself down and be free?
“The Gardens of Ailana” is a tale of redemption. Of what lies beyond; what is deeper than suffering and more real than life itself. It is about finding one’s deepest truth and dearest peace. It is a story of returning to innocence.
– My next novel; due out probably in late February.
Forgiving ourselves
“The Gardens of Ailana”
A pilgrimage toward redemption, and forgiveness.
You can recover your innocence.
Excerpts:
“Guess we all have our moments when we don’t look at reality quite head on. See things through our ‘I’m no good and I can’t do this’ state of mind. We might read it as ‘She hates me,’ or ‘This’ll never work,’ but what we’re really doin’ is givin’ up on ourselves.” …
… “So you’re sayin’ we just make peace with everyone who’s ever screwed us.”
Paulette reached into her own past to tell her, “We make peace with ourselves. They just come along for the ride.”
Sharing the Light with others, I feel truly Blessed.
I am absolutely amazed at the wisdom, deep truth, and heavy duty teachings in “The Gardens of Ailana”! I find insights I have never seen any philosopher or great spiritual teacher even hint at before! (And I hate using exclamation points) Every day it all just pours through – a thousand words or more in a couple of hours – and I am learning so much from each scene and passage. I feel like I am READING each chapter, not writing it.
I am so very, very grateful for these teachings
Will be doing a reading from “The Mourning After” (and perhaps from my new book, “The Gardens of Ailana”) at the Quest Bookshop in New York City on Sunday, May 11th.
“The Mourning After” – Thank you.
Now that “The Mourning After” has entered that stage where folks buy it from stores and the internet, and I rarely know any of these new readers; I really want to pause once again in fondness for those who have loved her. I especially want to thank, deeply and sincerely, those of you who have loved her enough to tell friends and family.
Thank you.
Dark night of the mystic soul
Aside
As she wandered back to her cabin, searching for any fond memories she might have buried from her childhood, light faded everywhere around her.
How about the coloring? Children enjoy coloring, how about that? She’d spent so many hours and days on her art. It was as close as she could remember to having her Mamma stand over her with anything even remotely resembling approval. Her books and comics could be tales of Jesus, but coloring books had to be Old Testament because “No child’s impure hand could touch a crayon to the sweet beautiful face of our lord and savior Jesus Christ.”
So the little girl had scrunched down over Daniel in the lion’s den. Samson, screaming, being blinded with daggers and torches. The redder she made the flowing wounds of a man of God shot full of arrows, or stoned to death, the richer the flames of three men being burned in a box, the longer mamma let her stay out of that closet.
But the men still came. Mamma had no say over that. The Cleansers from the church had to step in as her father, since women were weak and needed men to set them straight. Mamma had done the unmentionable, and that sin must be cleansed from the girl child.
Paulette had fought so hard not to hum while she colored, since music was sinful. Now she fought to lock that vision back into its box. It was as close as she came to a happy childhood memory, but even this one gnawed away at her insides.
As that long night of deepening terrors took hold, her room grew colder. The trees outside began to quiver, then wail. The winds rose up, gathering the darkness in around them.
She heard rivers running everywhere, whitewater roaring far off.
But it was only those ominous winds, scraping and clawing through long-dried leaves that should have been left to lie still, and die quietly.
– From today’s chapter of “The Gardens of Ailana”
Link
“The MourningAfter” is sparking off romance.
This came out in a magazine recently and speaks of how what we write might touch the lives, souls, and hearts of those far away. Even folks we will never meet, in places we’ve never been.
Love battling death.
My niece just asked me to sum up “The Mourning After” in a sentence or two. How’s this?: It’s a moving and mystical tale about a connection so deep, a romance so strong, the lovers have to battle the forces of tragedy and death to stay together.
Shards from childhood.
As my heart clogged up with old pressures, I walked away from photo albums, but just could not shut them. I held treasures she’d worn or left behind, but couldn’t hold her.
We’d only been kids, but I miss her to this day. It lurks in shadowy closets and follows me up unfamiliar steps at night. I breathe it through my troubled heart, and it snags there. It tags along through strange towns, from state to state, driving me, digging at me, leaving me hollow. I hadn’t seen my confinement until M had come along. She’d been my first taste of living.
M had been a long-burning fuse, and the spark that had touched it off. She’d been the birth of imagination, and of everything real. With us it had all been about mystery, and miracles.
I stood in the threshold, peering deep into all that was churning, trying to imagine her as an adult, sitting in the golden haze of a late afternoon in the fall. I pictured a soft distant rustling, birds singing out of season, and a languid blue haze drifting high up in the land where clouds, and heaven, are made. I sat her on a tree stump by one of the lakes, huddled up against the brisk fall glory. Trying to imagine her bright and happy, finally at peace, I prayed to God to grant her all of this. Wherever she was. That sweet, beautiful, tormented soul had earned peace and beauty.
Instead, I saw her rocking into her own, or some shared misery, her arms wrapped around her, and I knew how distant I had grown from my core. M would manage to stay whole and intact in her brokenness, never back away from her truth. I’d rushed to bury mine at the first opportunity, close off to my walled-in childhood, turn away, slam it into some subterranean vault somewhere way far behind me.
M wouldn’t have done that to me. She’d still cherish each lost and happy shard we’d ever huddled over, treasured and polished together. Whatever it had been she’d so privately nurtured had meant far too much to abandon for a little peace of mind. She’d held it too dear. M had been closer to her roots. To the role we’d been meant to play together, though I could never find my script.
But then I had chosen to bail out.
As if I could.
As if the winds, and this mournful autumn bleakness would ever let me.
That poor sweet child had confided in me. She’d said, “People are always leaving me.” She’d sounded so buried in remorse, so convinced that it could never be any other way.
Then, I, too, had turned from her.
It had been so much easier than believing.
But now how would M fit in here? Into this sobbing forest; or this flirting, taunting homestead? Was this a place to end something, heal something, or begin something new?
She had asked me once if I’d planned to stay shut up inside, and I’d thought she’d only meant inside the house. Had she seen I was also boarded up in my spirit? Well, in this boundless, otherworldly forest I can finally see what M had always tried to show me.
Through that which has no barriers, any sized miracle can step in.
Aside
I have to describe “The Mourning After” in 300 words or less, emphasizing protagonist, setting, and theme. This is 273. What do you think? Any suggestions?:
Nightmares of war and death from lost centuries torment a young boy. He can’t separate fantasy from reality. Denis meets a child he calls M. She knows his dreams intimately. Telling him they’re more than imagination, she asks, “Do you … remember?”
They tear at him with devastating force and detail. Driven by a need for answers, the adult Denis searches America, finding only more questions.
Amid the storms and whispers of a haunted forest with intentions of its own, he finds a decrepit cabin, where his terrors start coming real. Beside its old barn someone has been tending the grave of at least one of his “imaginary” childhood playmates, Enoch.
Nothing makes sense if he can’t let himself believe that he and M lived there long ago. That they’ve loved each other for lifetimes, with increasing desperation, as he keeps dying young, leaving her grieving into lonely old age.
Enoch, always in the background, somehow holds the key to ending this cycle of suffering.
Denis searches for M, as she fights her own haunting mysteries back to him.
He meets a quiet, mysterious man in the forest.
In a world where death is just another beginning, they must trust in what they cannot believe.
M arrives too late. She finds Denis’s journal, his grave, and this deeply hurting stranger. To smash this ancient chain of tragedy, she must follow Denis into death.
From the other side, he has to find a way to stop her.
Then she falls in love with the stranger.
That which can’t possibly be true weaves through wonders that can’t be denied, until love makes everything real.
Take a peek.
He kept grinding away at the coals with a stick. A couple of hot ashes settled onto his clothes but he didn’t brush them off. They left little burn marks on his pants. “Kinda felt like that,” he said. “Like someone had grabbed me. Or someone was watching. – Or like it was me being buried, not him.”
“It was weird, Man. Your face got all grimacey; it was like everything inside you was backing away, but your body got stuck.
“There really is something about that place, isn’t there? We have got to go back out there. Figure out what’s real from what’s Memorex.”
“That’s a TV commercial, right?”
“There you go getting snotty again. You are in one pisser of a mood tonight, Injun Joe. Maybe I should just leave you out here to cry into your water cup. You gonna tell me what’s eatin’ you?”
He took a few false starts, but finally got going. “It makes no sense. Just some grave in the middle of nowhere, from a long time ago. Not even a whole name on it. Nobody I knew. Why should that bother me? It makes no sense.”
I slapped my leg right in the middle of what he was saying, interrupting him again. “Hey! I know how you knew the name of his horse. You’re getting the dreams now, aren’t ya? They’re coming to you now.”
“Yeah.”
“So what’re you seeing in them? What are they showing you?”
“Someone dying; someone I loved. Someone else in such pain for such an awful long time it ate away at her. All I could do was just stand there and watch; couldn’t do nothin’ about it.”
“Couldn’t do nothin’?”
“Yeah, that’s the important part of all this; make fun of my grammar. Thank you for your deep, caring, sensitive soul. You can leave any time.”
“No, no, wait. Listen. That might be a key. When the dreams sink in hard, it’s like they take me over; I start talkin’ in this hillbilly dialect. It’s how I know I’m getting close.
“I mean, maybe you just got your words tangled, y’know, and that’s all they was to it. That just happens; we all slip now ’n’ agin; but what if there’s more to it than that? Maybe you’re bein’ pulled into this mess now, too. Maybe like you said, whatever this is, it needs both of us.”
“Oh, God.” He had been distractedly swirling his drink around in his cup, but on this, he froze solid, squeezing his knuckles white. “I don’t want to see no more. It hurts s’bad.”
“We’re goin’ back in agin, ain’t we?” I asked.
“Don’t got no choice.”
Breezes moaned all that night. I sifted through dreams on haunting shadows of longing, but Waters was somewhere else entirely.
He kept building up the fire, but still sat there shivering.
– What I got when I went into my Amazon site for “The Mourning After,” and punched “Surprise me” for an excerpt.
“The Gardens of Ailana”
Aside
Sylva was holding her hand up in awe. A child of four, she was hardly even talking yet, but there was a good possibility this was intentional. Garden creatures understood her well enough.
She was watching a fat, fuzzy bee with golden stripes saunter across her upturned hand, trailing pollen along her palm, to the delight of her tiny companion, Renn.
Renn, all of six years of age, was Syl’s older brother, though it didn’t always feel that way. He trailed her through adventures into bright, spirited loveliness and sheer joy, asking questions, and hearing answers that often neither of them actually said aloud. In the world they inhabited, most beings didn’t speak. In that world, it wasn’t really necessary.
“Does he tickle, Syl?” he asked, though, because sometimes feelings have to be expressed.
He probably could have coaxed a bee of his own onto his own hand, but he loved watching his little sister’s eyes, sharing her delight.
“Petelmeyer,” she told him, answering the next question he was getting ready to ask. “We have decided to name this bee, Petelmeyer,” and it sounded like she was getting ready to knight it.
The tiny thing couldn’t kneel, since its legs hadn’t been assembled that way, but Petelmeyer he became then, and Petelmeyer he stayed.
As though she had commanded him to rise and assume his new duties in the Kingdom of Nature, he lifted up into soft garden breezes, touched her fingertip, and bowed away.
His realm called to him. He had duties to attend to in a nearby patch of strawberries.
The children giggled.
For some people, gardens come alive with the sunrise, with that first kiss of color, and warmth.
For others, they’re at their best in the darkness, when true magic is everywhere.
For these two, Ailana’s Gardens were always miraculous; they carried the magic around with them.
Sylvie was a wind-tossed child with scrambled hair. She would never wear a hat because there was no way she could keep it on, and just couldn’t be bothered. She had similar problems with shoes that tied, so she went everywhere barefoot or in boots. One couldn’t imagine her without a smudge on her face. Ailana called her Flitter.
She was a child born with wide open eyes who didn’t need to be told what she saw. Sometimes she played Peekaboo in the middle of a field, when there didn’t appear to be anyone with her, but no one really questioned her on it; few even chalked it off to imagination; they knew she saw deeper than they could.
Some thought she was late starting to speak because she was a slow learner, but those who knew her well suspected she’d been born with very little left to learn.
Visitors to the garden heard rumors that she wasn’t a normal human child at all. That she may have been more of a nature spirit, taking on human form for only this one lifetime.
What others thought and said about her, though, didn’t stir any interest at all. She didn’t think about people much. They were mere passing curiosities; just as they were to most fairies, tree spirits, and forest sylphs.
Her hippy parents may have sensed some of this from the beginning. This may have been why they’d named her Sylva.
As Petelmeyer plied the short green fields of berries, Sylva shared the gift of the pollen he’d left behind with her brother. Delicately pressing the fingertip the bee had kissed into a spot of golden powder on her palm, she touched that to the center of Renn’s forehead, just above his eyebrows.
She repeated that ceremony on her own.
Neither spoke.
One tree very near them whispered a quiet, contented croak. Sylv croaked back.
Sunbeams glistened off the wings of a dragonfly in subdued hints of purple, then green, or maybe red. Renn wondered just how many colors there were.
“God sings through the flowers, you know,” Sylva said, “Only you don’t hear him with any part of your head.”
Renn sort of knew what she was saying.
When Ailana came by later, she found the little girl standing over a dead rabbit. Her brother had wandered away. A child down the street had just died. He didn’t know how to process that, and didn’t think he really wanted to, so he just left her alone with the still form of the bunny.
Ailana said nothing. She just stood there with Sylvie, offering blessings of her own.
It was a while before Sylva spoke. She quite often didn’t, but when she did have something to say, it was worth fully listening to.
Now she told Ailana, “It is sad some things die, but it isn’t. The part we see with our outside eyes just stops moving is all. But the shiny part can play better then, because it doesn’t have to stay close to the ground anymore.”
Ailana smiled, and said nothing.
Sylvie much preferred people stay silent when there was so obviously nothing more to say.
– A character I’m creating within my new novel, “The Gardens of Ailana.”
Living stories that breathe beyond the book covers.
I am dearly touched by all who have read “The Mourning After” several times. When you so passionately share with me how much more you get out of it each time, how it draws you in deeper, comes more alive, I see that it is more than just a gathering of words. It has a heart. It breathes. It calls to us from inside, drawing us in through our dreaming.