Some say your perspective changes as you age and watch your friends die. Or when you know you are facing your own death even earlier. You look at everything differently. Colors are richer, friends are funnier, music sinks deeper into your heart.
But I have never felt very far from death. It has always held it door open for me just a few steps ahead, but I have never made the leap for it so long as there might still be something worthwhile here I could still accomplish. Some personal growth, or some way to help another advance.
I wouldn’t clutch at this life if invited to leave it behind. I have always been ready to let go of this one. It has always seemed on temporary loan and like I had lived out the terms of the contract decades ago.
But I would want to step into the next one on the clearest, strongest, brightest terms possible. Be ready for some real growth in that one. Not so many squandered opportunities. I want to hit the next round with some momentum.
It’s not that I’m depressed, though I certainly used to be. In my youth I made a lifestyle out of it. I have just grown weary, and yearn to start fresh. I felt that way even as a child.
But I have learned. I am happy. I am at peace finally now. I am clearer and stronger and more knowing.
But still that Brighter Sun calls me nigh.
I have work to do here though, and it has begun. This life has been all preparation.
– This came to me this morning. Think it may be for the next book, which I started in earnest a couple of days ago.
I get it.